to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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