this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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