she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
