I want to make a zoo with you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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