He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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