You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
