There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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