he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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