i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
