Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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