yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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