Someone shit on the floor
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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