I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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