omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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