all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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