I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
