You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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