The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
