Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My pussy is not your playground.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
