i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
