please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
