There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
