my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
