Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
