Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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