she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
