This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
