sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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