she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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