I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
