He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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