drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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