i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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