I heard we made out
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
