operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
