he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
