We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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