We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
where am i from again
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
