I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
