Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
