dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Mom said you looked used
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
