he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
