can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
