so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
