Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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