She is in my trunk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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