What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
