I am in a vortex of obligation.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
