I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
