Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
