I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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