He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
