My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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