What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
