I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
