I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
