this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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