girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
