I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
