My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize