WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
