It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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