But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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