Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
