You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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