I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
