The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
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Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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