Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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