I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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