Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
