6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
