Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
