This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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